Picture this. It’s Chuseok, and your aunt asks why you’re still single. Or your father-in-law tells you exactly how to raise your kids. You want to stay polite, but you don’t want to just agree either. Many Korean learners freeze right here. They understand the advice, but they don’t know how to redirect it without sounding rude. Learning how to politely decline advice in Korean takes more than memorizing words. It means picking the right phrase for the right relative, at the right moment.
Growing up, the questions changed with every stage of my life. As a student, it was “are you studying hard? Which university will you go to?” After I got a job, it turned into “how much do you earn? Where do you work?” Once I hit marriage age, it became “do you have a girlfriend? When are you getting married?” And after the wedding, “when are you having a kid?” Every stage came with its own round of questions from relatives. These days that pressure has eased a bit. I feel like older family members respect personal space more than they used to, though it still comes up at big family gatherings.
Saenggakhaebolgeyo Meaning: Buying Time Without Agreeing
The safest phrase to start with is 생각해 볼게요 (saeng-gak-hae bol-ge-yo). The saenggakhaebolgeyo meaning is close to “yes, I’ll think about it.” It buys you time without agreeing or disagreeing. It works well right after advice about marriage, jobs, or money, and it uses the polite -yo form, which fits older relatives.
That said, I don’t actually reach for 생각해 볼게요 much with my own family. It feels a little formal for a casual family conversation. What I say more often is something looser, like “아 네~ 그래야죠” (a ne~ geu-rae-ya-jyo), which comes out closer to “oh yeah, I guess I should.” It has the same effect of easing past the moment without a real commitment, but it sounds more natural at the dinner table. Which one you pick depends on the situation and how close you are to the person giving the advice.
아이고, 그러게요: Agreeing With the Feeling, Not the Advice
Another common phrase is 아이고, 그러게요 (a-i-go, geu-reo-ge-yo). It roughly means “oh, I know, right?” You’re agreeing with the feeling behind the words, not the actual advice. This works well when an elder is complaining rather than instructing you directly, like when someone says life was harder back in their day.
When an older relative tells me a story like that, I usually just say “oh really?” and let it end there. Sometimes I’ll even ask a follow up question, something like “oh, so you did that too back then?” But most of the time I keep it simple. I say something close to “oh really? That must have been hard. I don’t think I could have done that.” I don’t try to argue with those stories, and I don’t need to.
제가 알아서 할게요: Setting a Boundary When Advice Repeats
When the same advice comes up again and again, a firmer phrase is 제가 알아서 할게요 (je-ga a-ra-seo hal-ge-yo). It means “I’ll handle it myself.” It’s still polite language, but it draws a clearer line. Save this one for the third or fourth time someone repeats the same point. Using it too early can push an elder away.
I’ve used this one before. When the marriage questions kept coming up, I finally said, “Mom, I’ll handle it myself.” She looked hurt. After that, I tried to soften how I said things. This phrase carries a bit of “please stop bringing this up” underneath it, which feels okay with my own parents since we’re close, but if I said it to another elder, they might think I was being rude. With other relatives, I lean on something more indirect instead, like “I know, right, I should get around to it, but it’s not that easy. I don’t even have a girlfriend yet.” That kind of line shows I’m not in the right situation for it yet, without shutting the conversation down.
말씀은 감사한데: A Softer Way to Disagree
For a gentler pushback, try 말씀은 감사한데 (mal-sseu-meun gam-sa-han-de). It means “I appreciate you saying that, but…” It cushions your disagreement before you say what you actually think. Add your own opinion after it, kept short and calm. This one fits close relatives you see often, like your own parents.
Most of the time I just let things go rather than push back. But for something that actually matters, like when I was thinking about changing jobs, I have said, “말씀은 감사한데 저는 생각이 좀 달라요,” which means “I appreciate you saying that, but I see it a little differently.” Even then, I don’t argue my point all the way through. I say it once, calmly, and leave room for the conversation to move on.
What Not to Say: 상관하지 마세요
One common mistake is saying 상관하지 마세요 (sang-gwan-ha-ji ma-se-yo). It literally means “don’t concern yourself with this.” To an elder, this can sound cold or even disrespectful. Korean culture often values harmony with elders over blunt honesty. This is my personal experience, and other Koreans may see it differently, but a softer redirect usually works better than a flat refusal.
I once watched my younger cousin say to our grandmother, “that’s not really something you should be concerned about.” The room went quiet right away. What she said wasn’t wrong exactly, but the delivery was too direct, and it came across as disrespectful. Grandparents especially tend to give advice because they’re genuinely worried about you, not to control you. Saying something that blunt to someone that age just doesn’t sit right, even if the same idea could have been expressed more gently.
A Few Practical Tips
Match the phrase to how close you are with the person. Parents can usually handle a firmer line like 제가 알아서 할게요 once in a while, but distant relatives or older acquaintances usually need something softer, even if you’re saying no to the same piece of advice. Start soft and only get firmer if the same advice keeps coming back. Jumping straight to a firm phrase with someone you don’t see often can come across as cold, even if that’s not what you meant.
It also helps to remember that most unsolicited advice from Korean relatives comes from care, not control, even when it feels overwhelming. If you want more practice handling personal questions from family and relatives, this guide on how to answer nosy questions in Korean covers a related set of situations. For more background on how politeness levels shape these choices, the Wikipedia overview of Korean honorifics is a useful starting point.
Key Expressions
- 생각해 볼게요 (saeng-gak-hae bol-ge-yo) — I’ll think about it. Example: 네, 생각해 볼게요. (Yes, I’ll think about it.)
- 아이고, 그러게요 (a-i-go, geu-reo-ge-yo) — Oh, I know, right? Example: 아이고, 그러게요. 요즘 애들은 편하긴 하죠. (Oh, I know, kids these days do have it easier.)
- 제가 알아서 할게요 (je-ga a-ra-seo hal-ge-yo) — I’ll handle it myself. Example: 이모, 제가 알아서 할게요. (Auntie, I’ll handle it myself.)
- 말씀은 감사한데 (mal-sseu-meun gam-sa-han-de) — I appreciate you saying that, but… Example: 말씀은 감사한데, 저는 지금 일이 좋아요. (I appreciate you saying that, but I like my job right now.)
- 상관하지 마세요 (sang-gwan-ha-ji ma-se-yo) — Don’t concern yourself with this (too blunt for elders). Example: 상관하지 마세요. (Don’t concern yourself with this.)
Written by a native Korean speaker born in Seoul in 1985. This is my personal experience. Other Koreans may see things differently.
