You’re sitting at a family gathering, maybe during Chuseok, the Korean harvest holiday, or at a birthday dinner. An aunt or uncle suddenly asks about your job, your salary, or your marriage plans. You freeze. Should you answer honestly, joke it off, or just change the subject? This moment catches a lot of people off guard, and not only foreign learners. Learning how to answer nosy questions in Korean can turn this awkward pause into something much easier to handle.
Even Koreans feel a bit awkward here, myself included. Last Chuseok, my big aunt started with a simple “what have you been up to lately” and slowly worked her way up to asking about my salary before I had even finished eating. For a second I didn’t know what to say, so I just smiled and let it pass. I wasn’t the only one either. My cousins around the table had the same stuck expression on their faces.
When Relatives Ask About Marriage
When relatives ask about marriage, you don’t need to give a full answer. 아직 잘 모르겠어요 (a-jik jal mo-reu-ge-sseo-yo — I’m still not sure) works well in most cases. It’s polite, honest, and it doesn’t invite more questions. There’s also a casual version, 아직 몰라 (a-jik mol-la), but that one only works with close cousins around your age. With older relatives, the polite form is usually the safer choice.
Last Lunar New Year, my great-aunt asked me directly when I planned to get married. I just smiled and said 아직 잘 모르겠어요, adding that I was still thinking things over. She didn’t bring it up again for the rest of the day. My older cousin sometimes asks the same thing, and with him I just say the casual version, in a relaxed tone, because we’re close in age. Honestly, I’m already a little nervous about the next Chuseok.
When They Ask About Your Job or Salary
For questions about your job or salary, staying vague usually works better than getting specific. 그냥 그래요 (geu-nyang geu-rae-yo — it’s just okay) keeps the mood light. It works for both job questions and money questions. A slightly more formal version is 그냥 그런 편이에요 (geu-nyang geu-reon pyeon-i-e-yo — it’s just so-so, I guess). Both signal “fine, nothing special” without giving out any real numbers.
I usually answer with something close to “it’s just okay, I’m getting by,” and then let the topic drop on its own. Talking about exact numbers feels uncomfortable to me, so I’d rather smile and keep things loose. Two strangers would probably never ask each other’s salary so directly. But inside a family, people seem to think that closeness makes the question fair game. If you want to see how far this single word 그냥 can stretch in daily Korean, I wrote a longer piece about it here: the many uses of 그냥 in daily conversation.
Using “Busy” as a Polite Excuse
Busyness is a socially acceptable excuse in Korea. 요즘 좀 바빠서요 (yo-jeum jom ba-ppa-seo-yo — I’ve been a bit busy lately) explains why you’re not dating, or not job hunting harder, without pointing to your own choices. It shifts attention to your schedule instead of your decisions. Most relatives accept this without pushing further. There’s a casual version too, 요즘 좀 바빠 (yo-jeum jom ba-ppa), for people close to your age.
Most of the time this works. Relatives usually respond with something like “well, if you’re busy, that’s understandable,” and the topic moves on. But almost every family has one relative who won’t let it go so easily. Mine sometimes pushes back with “you should still make time to meet people, even if you’re busy.” When that happens, I just laugh and steer the conversation somewhere else, usually toward food or the drive home.
Politely Postponing the Answer
Sometimes the best answer is a promise to explain later. 나중에 말씀드릴게요 (na-jung-e mal-sseum-deu-ril-ge-yo — I’ll tell you later) uses honorific speech, so it’s appropriate toward elders. It closes the topic politely without rejecting the question outright. This phrase works well for job changes, marriage plans, or anything you’d rather keep private for now. I’d use it with grandparents, aunts, or uncles I want to show respect to.
I use this one a lot, especially when my uncle asks about a possible promotion at work. I usually say something close to “it’s not confirmed yet, I’ll let you know once it’s decided.” Older relatives seem to accept that kind of answer without digging much further. It gives them enough to feel included, without forcing me to share details I’m not ready to share yet.
What Not to Say
One common mistake is answering with visible annoyance. Saying something like 왜 그런 걸 물어보세요? (wae geu-reon geol mul-eo-bo-se-yo — why are you asking that?) can come across as confrontational, even when you don’t mean it that way. A direct challenge like this can create real tension in the middle of a family gathering. Most older relatives ask these questions because they care, not because they’re judging you.
When I think about why relatives ask this in the first place, I honestly think it’s about half and half. Some of them are truly worried about you. Others simply don’t have much else to talk about, so the question becomes a habit around the dinner table. Either way, answering with a sharp tone usually makes the room feel colder. A soft deflection almost always works better than a direct pushback. This is my personal experience, and other Koreans might read the same situation differently.
Quick Tips for Family Gatherings
A few small habits make these moments easier. Keep your tone light and your answer short. Adding a small smile or a short laugh softens almost any deflection in Korean. If a relative keeps pushing, changing the subject to food, the drive home, or another family member’s news usually works better than repeating your answer more firmly.
If you want to prepare for a related situation, our post on how to say no to borrowing money in Korean covers what happens once relatives find out you have a steady income, which tends to come up right after these same salary questions.
Key Expressions
- 아직 잘 모르겠어요 (a-jik jal mo-reu-ge-sseo-yo) — I’m still not sure.
Example: “저 아직 결혼은 언제 할지 잘 모르겠어요.” (I’m still not sure when I’ll get married.) - 그냥 그래요 (geu-nyang geu-rae-yo) — It’s just okay / so-so.
Example: “요즘 회사는 그냥 그래요.” (My job is just okay these days.) - 요즘 좀 바빠서요 (yo-jeum jom ba-ppa-seo-yo) — I’ve been a bit busy lately.
Example: “요즘 좀 바빠서 연애할 시간이 없어요.” (I’ve been a bit busy lately, so I haven’t dated much.) - 나중에 말씀드릴게요 (na-jung-e mal-sseum-deu-ril-ge-yo) — I’ll tell you later (polite).
Example: “정해지면 나중에 말씀드릴게요.” (I’ll tell you later once it’s decided.)
Written by a native Korean speaker born in Seoul in 1985. This is my personal experience. Other Koreans may see things differently.
